Make Believe

The world must be very enjoyable at night when the open sky is as clear as a crystal.
Like... like this..

Light a cig (or a spliff is better), do not listen to anything, no IPod no radio nothing, lay around a rooftop or somewhere flat and high, I suggest you to be alone. Take a deep breath. You are about to trip with the open sky.

Name it. Galaxy, nebula, the moon, the stars, milky-way, puffy clouds, cosmos, Arcturus, blobs, comet, Andromeda, all of them. Name it all, things you're curious about. Nature is keeping secrets. And it wont let you know everything about them. You must be wondering about the tiniest bits when you stargaze.

This is how mine was.

I wasn't tempted to sit still on my desk, be on facebook and blogspot all the time. I came across the thought of being dead in the middle of the outer space. I tend to have this weird imaginations when being (or say, feeling) alone. Especially after having some puffs of magic grass too. So I walked out of the house. I didn't know what I was thinking. Being half naked, with a thin folded blanket, a bottle of water and cigarettes, walking to the green field in front of my house. I picked a spot in the middle of the field, spread my blanket and just simply laid on it. I was facing the sky. Oh my I was the lucky one.

The sky looked so perfect to me. Crystal clear, puffy clouds but I can still see through them, all my favorite stars were complete none of them were absent, especially the trios. Yes, it's the three aligned stars I'm talking about. They are very famous don't you think..
And the sky? the sky was stunningly turquoise.

I was just laying there. I refused to take pictures of my stargazing moments. Even though It's very tempting to click the shutter, I chose not to take any picture. I don't want to share my sky too much. I'd keep them private. Just like what galaxy is doing at all time.

One heavy deep breath.
One heavy deep breath.

I saw my pasts.
I saw my pasts.
I saw my pasts.

(1994)
I was four. I lived in a small house. A very small house. My family and I were not rich and I was happy.
I woke up that morning to a pure orange sky. I thought I'm going to die that day. It scared the hell out of me. Then I showered, getting ready for school. I was in elementary. I always showered with hot water.
When the water ran down my hair, my skin, my feet, I fell asleep standing up in the bathtub. It was weird. I dreamed about me and some of my cousins running on a rice field. We were only a youth. Even younger, and we were all crying.
A couple of years later we moved to a bigger house. One time I was showering with my brother, he told me the same thing.
Well I guess now I have a hint of why he's my brother, that we do share bizarre complex minds.
_

(1999)
Primary school. Baron and I made a promise. One day we will surf the outer space. We will become more than just another astronaut. We'd be the ninjas that moon ever needs. We had our childhood moments, It was the furthest we've gone with our imaginations.

We were just a kid.
___

I opened my eyes, to the same turquoise sky that I started my space trip with in the beginning of the night. I cried a little. It was a blast from the past that I never forget. It was sweet, weird and bizarre. I lighted a cig. I inhaled my first puff pretty deep. I felt like I was tearing my lungs apart. But I didn't care.

I closed my eyes again.

I saw my pasts.
I saw my pasts.
I saw my pasts.

A quick rewind of love. Of loves.
I can't find the beginning of it though. it was pretty rough, and my brain hurt. Because it's full of deva ju. Deja vu.
I hate deja vus. They make me lost, in times, in places, in moments.

Love. Lust. Pain. Pleasure.
Love. Lust. Anger. Agony.
Love. Lust. You. Young. Yes.
Love. Lust. Flowers, fuckers, flames.

__

I travelled through time and space. The outer space. The spaces in my mind. I want to know how my brain looked like when I was space tripping that night. I want to see how black and twisted it was. I'm sure.

__

I opened my eyes again, and thank God, I was still waking up to the same turquoise sky and its glowing family.
The night was getting a bit chiller. It's like my stars were suggesting me to go back inside the house, wash my face, wash my feet, finish up my water and go for a real sleep.

One more.

I took my last puff of cig. I was still laying down facing the sky, setting my dramatic minds as free as a bird that night, embracing the wet greasy air. Yes the night was getting cold.

One more. I promised myself.

(2007-2009)
My busiest, hardest, toughest years.
When I grew. When I learned more than I expected. When I loved and lost. When I became something new. But I wasn't living. In fact I am not living yet.

_
I surfed the night sky. One last deep sigh, to my sky, to my friendly stars, to my hidden galaxy.
I cried. I brought a bottle of water, knowing that I will cry I needed it to calm me down.

Opened my eyes.
The sky turned navy blue, with a hint of dusty grey. Beautiful, still.
I wasn't high. Beautiful sounds were rewinding in my brain. I told you we don't need no music.
____

I walked back, went back inside the house.

One day, my friend, one day we will discover nature's most hidden treasures.
Even if that means it's our last day on earth. It's worth living.
Maybe that's when I'm finally living.
I'm not living yet. Not living yet. No.

But I want to believe.
You want to believe.
We all make believes.



One day, look up your own night sky, do not wait for the falling stars. Do not wish for anything. You wouldn't need any wishing.
Die. And see everything beautiful after.